All characters and incidents depicted/used in the following story are fictitious and they are not based on anybody from real life. They have been created by me and any resemblance is purely coincidental and unintended. This is my first story so, please be soft on me while commenting!
It was raining heavily. The drops were heavy, the wind was strong and the people struggled against it to make their way to their destinations. It was a typical afternoon in a small town of India, and everyone was have a regular time but, inside one of those rich households who considered their public reputation to be more than anything else, a teenager was just bouncing up and down with happiness because he did not know about the hardships which the people of his kind have to suffer in this
hostile world. Raj, the protagonist of this story was getting ready for his tuitions which would begin after an hour. He stood in front of the mirror and brushed his brown hair and smiled to himself. His black eyes sparkled with the joy which his heart was feeling as he remembered that special guy in his life. Rahul. He was the sweetest of all. Raj could do anything for him and he won’t let anyone split them apart. Whenever he remembered the beautiful moments which he had spent with his boyfriend (gosh! He loved to call Rahul his boyfriend!) his heart would swell up with joy. His heart was dancing to its own tune because he felt that he had nothing else left to conquer in the entire world. What else could he ask for? Rahul had asked him to go out with him only a week ago and in the short period of only seven days, the sexy lad (as Raj preferred to call him) had bought the world of happiness for him.
“Mom!!!” Raj called as he descended the stairs; “I am leaving” he called after him and went out through the door of the house. It did not take him even a little while to get into the car and within the twinkling of an eye he drove out of the compound of their house. His cell phone buzzed; and he received the call.
“I love you more than myself, sweetheart” said the voice at the other end. It was the same semi-throaty voice which always made Raj feel like a tingling sensation was present in his stomach. “I love you too” replied Raj and grinned to himself. He was on the seventh heaven and wanted to meet his boyfriend. But, his happiness was not going to last for a long time…
The breaks shrieked loudly and the car took a huge turn, the wheels skidded to a halt. Raj’s head hit the steering hard and the door of the car could not take the blow. It opened all of a sudden and there the beautiful black eyed; athletic figured boy lied. Blood was making a painting on his face and his eyes were closed. The truck which had hit the car which Raj was driving sped away at top speed. Neither the driver nor the truck could be caught. A huge crowd gathered around the accident spot where Raj lied in a pool of his own blood.
As he was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance which was summoned by one of the several people who had gathered around the accident spot, he could feel his heart thumping slower than it usually did and with every thump the sensation of his head being hammered grew increasingly intolerable. He tried to open his eyes open, but he chose not to do so as he got a brief preview of the red river which was flowing out of him and was washing him with the water of pain. “I need him… I need Rahul” the injured male soughed through the pain over and over again but when his body could not tolerate the pain which he was experiencing anymore and his brain decided to inform him that his cries were left unnoticed; the small sweetheart gave up and closed his eyes along with his other senses so that his body could take a break and have some rest.
The deep pink luxurious car overtook another vehicle and sped towards its destination when the person who was driving the car was asked to slow down by the cell phone which rang in the pocket of his jeans. Pressing the accept button the beautiful brandy-brown eyed male chanted, “It seems someone could not wait even for a small quarter of an hour to see his boyfriend, eh?” in a teasing sort of tone. A smile appeared on his lips which were perfectly shaped like the classical double-curved bow with reversed curve ends like the bow of Cupid, the Roman god of love. But, it stopped from becoming a grin by the voice at the other end of the phone.
“Who are you and whatd’ya mean by saying that I should make it to the City Hospital as soon as I can?” asked a bemused Rahul who had pressed the brakes of his car so abruptly that the wheels of the car had to shriek to a halt. Something was not right, and the sexy athlete could see what was about to come next. He began praying within himself that his ears had not heard the correct thing, as the words, “You’re playing a prank on me, right? It’s ludicrous. Please stop it! This is not funny at all. Please tell me that Raj’s fine. Nothing is wrong with him, right?” he left his mouth and he waited for a reply from the other end of the phone. It felt like ages waiting for a reply and Rahul was becoming increasingly restless. It was one of Rahul’s characteristics to speak more than usual during a perilous situation than normal ones.
“Well; I am afraid but you have heard me right. I am the inspector in charge of the police station under whose jurisdiction the accident occurred. The person who was driving the car which was nearly smashed had this number in the emergency list of his cell phone. That’s why we thought of informing you.” There was a pause after these words which took away every bit of peace and joy which Rahul had forged in his weeklong relationship with Raj. If Rahul would have been in his normal state of mind he would have surely thanked the officer for his kind information; but he was too preoccupied to know what was going around him or what he should do or say. He hung up the call and immediately started his car within the split of a second. Taking the first turn on the left he sped through the road with a great speed. Raj kept on appearing in his mind over and over again. The bright eyes, the broad forehead, the short and extremely cute nose, the soft and pink lips of his boyfriend made Rahul feel weaker with the passage of time…
The deep pink car was driven into an empty parking slot and the owner of the car had no time to waste. He ran through the large lobby and ascended the stairs in no time. Without even caring to stop at the reception to ask for the direction to where Raj was being operated upon (as he knew the locations of the various departments of the hospital because his mom worked there as a doctor) or even to remove his shoes; the boy who stood at six feet three inches above the ground rushed towards the elevator. In a few minutes he reached the floor of his destination. His fears were confirmed when he saw Raj’s family waiting outside the operation theatre. And, at that very moment he saw his mom walk out through the door of the Operation Theatre. He was desperate to know the progress; and when he heard his mom saying that the case was quite critical and Raj was still in danger his heart was made to sink a hundred leagues deep under the sea of pain, fear, insecurity and depression.
Rahul turned away and made his way towards another corridor trying his level best not to make his presence felt. He dropped himself into the depths of a chair as hot, angry, painful tears burned their way down his cheeks. He was trying as hard as he could to hold them back and to stop them from flowing further as his mind made its way through the paths and roads of the past…
He had asked his mom to treat him like a big boy. He meant that he did not want to earn the tag of a mama’s boy from his friends. Even if he forced his mom not to come with him on the first day of Maths tuition; she disagreed and came with him to get his name enrolled. Rahul was kind of upset when he walked into the house of the tutor with his mom by his side. Many students of a different school whom he did not know had gathered around the house and were chatting among themselves. His mom took only some time to get everything set, and as she had an appointment in her clinic she had to leave as soon as possible. Rahul was a little relieved when she left and took a seat at the far corner of the room. The teacher was quite friendly and he was talking to his teacher about his school, his marks in other subjects etc. when the other students of the group in which he was supposed to learn the subject of Maths with came inside the room one by one. There were eleven students in the group in total and out of them five were girls and six were boys. Rahul had not discovered his real sexuality until the special person of his life came into the scene.
When he saw the guy whom he would love in the future for the first time it was not like magic or something like that. He just was filled with admiration for him. He had heard a lot about him from a common friend who studied in that guy (Raj’s) class because he was very good at studies and took a lot of interest in extracurricular activities like music, debates etc. Rahul had finally come face to face with him and when their eyes met, he felt very awkward and took his gaze away.
To his surprise, the only guy whom he knew from the other school was in his batch! Rahul asked him to take a seat next to him and was happy within him because his friend had come in at the right time and had eased out the tension which was building between him and Raj. Yes, that was his name. Raj sounded pretty sexy and his name did match the guy because he was very easygoing, intelligent and had a beautiful face. The class began, and Rahul dared not to look at Raj again because he was kind of scared with himself. Why was he attracted towards guys at times? Was he gay?? He hoped he was not and tried to keep shifting his attention to something else again and again whenever this topic used to come up…
Rahul could not get this topic out of his mind. When he left for his home he was kind of battling with the thoughts which were welling up within him. What is he was homosexual? His parents surely won’t be very happy about it. And, he was even scared because he felt that he might even get thrown out of his house and the society for being gay. He did not understand what the feelings which were growing as time flew by meant. Walking up the steps of the building where he lived, he mused to himself. “This is a serious matter. And, the thing is I have no one who would help me with it. Should I ask someone whom I know about it? Naah! It’s a stupid idea. What if the person whom I trust to advise me gets rid of me just because I am gay? So, until and unless I can I will bear the feelings. I will keep these thoughts to myself and never tell anyone else” he was interrupted by his sister who was calling his name out aloud. “Huh?” he turned back and wore a confused expression on his face.
“What’s wrong with you? Is everything okay with you? It seems you are in some kind of a dilemma. May I help you?” she questioned, scanning her brother and trying to make out what was troubling him. “You just talk too much at times” was what she got as a reply from him as he pushed the main door of their house open and walked straight to his room. He bolted the door from inside and switched on the computer after setting his rucksack on the divan. He had made up to do some research on gay people. His reactions were kind of mercurial and he changed his opinions very often. After all, that’s what teenagers are! They are never sure about what they wish to do; thanks to the boiling and bubbling pot of hormones which keeps being brewed at all times inside their bodies…
Before sitting down at the computer, Rahul changed into a pair of comfortable baggy jeans and a purple tee. He signed in to his account which he had created a few days ago in a very famous social networking site and began searching for gay sex communities in it. The first things which caught his eye were not quite impressive and it kind of made him scared! He had no idea on the fact that homosexuality was a crime in the country where he lived and the country which he considered to be the best in the entire world. The tall boy leaned back in his chair and closed the window showing the communities. He did not dare to join them. Rather, he decided to search for some of his friends’ profiles. He added a few people whom he knew from school and then while he was messing around, he found out something which caught his attention. The adrenal glands of his body forced more adrenaline into his blood as he clicked the “Add as a friend” button of the profile which he was currently viewing. It was quite a well written profile and what attracted him towards it was the profile belonged to that same guy whom he had a “crush” on. It was Raj’s profile. Very reluctantly he left Raj a message. Rahul was an extrovert by nature and he loved meeting new friends over the internet but, he did not really understand why he felt so scared while typing the message which he thought of sending to Raj. His fingers were all jelly like and his heart began thumping briskly. He wrote that he would really like to have a friend who was interested in nearly everything which he himself liked and it would indeed be fun if they two discussed their common interests. Without caring more for what reaction he would draw from Raj; Rahul switched his computer off and went over to his study table. The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful and once he had dinner he went to bed thinking of his day. And the only thought which kept coming to his mind over and over again was Raj. Raj’s smile, his face, his eyes, his lips and before Rahul could understand what he was doing he hugged his pillow pretending it to be Raj and began caressing it with both hands and kissing it again and again. His brain’s sleep centre was regulated to increase the flow of blood into it and the calcium present in his blood stimulated him to sleep. The thoughts which he had limned inside him during daytime and his activities reoccurred in his dreams and he kept on seeing himself with Raj. Raj was in his arms and he was fondling Raj. He was caressing the back of the guy on whom he had a huge crush and after a long time of cuddling with each other, their lips met for a long, passionate, love filled cacoethes of a kiss. Rahul had not realized what the feeling which he had for Raj was. Was it love exactly? Or were his teenage hormones playing silly games with him? Then there was a walk with his crush which Rahul enjoyed thoroughly. He wanted this to continue forever, but for some reason he felt Raj and him drifting away from each other. And then there was this harsh ringing sound which made him split from Raj. His hand almost involuntarily reached for the alarm clock on his bedside which he made to shut up by hitting the stop button on its top. Rahul sat up on his bed and stretched his hands out. It felt great to be up early in the morning; and he hoped that the day would go fine and nothing wrong would happen. He was someone who liked to live a normal life; but if someone counted realizing what the feeling of love was in real terms as something which had greater importance and could be counted as being better than normal; then yes! Rahul was going to have a great day!!
He did not have school on that day as the students of his class were supposed to remain at home and “study” for their upcoming examinations. After getting his morning ablutions done Rahul walked back to his room and sat down at his desk to study. As the brandy-brown eyed male took out his Physics textbook he remembered the dreams of the past night; he also remembered Raj and the fact that he would see Raj after some hours. This made Rahul happier and he began studying and the next time when Rahul looked at the clock on the wall in front of his table the clock said that already one hour had passed since he sat down to study and by now his parents were up and had done their share of chores before leaving for work. His sister was also gone and he was left back alone at home. Making up his mind to study a little longer before going downstairs to the lawn and playing cricket with his friends the guy continued studying. After that, he got a shower and dressed himself up in a maroon tee and black jeans. Tennis sneakers made a soft sound as Rahul bounced down the stairs and appeared at the playground of the colony where he lived. None of his friends were there to be seen, and he was kind of bored. It had been fifteen minutes and still no one appeared when Rahul decided to take a stroll down the road leading to the shopping centre. He never knew that he was about to be greeted with something which he would appreciate from the deepest core of his heart.
His friend who studied in Raj’s school appeared all of a sudden. It was one of the habits of that friend (whose name was Neil) to scare him by sneaking behind something and shouting his friend’s name aloud. “Hey! Where have you been? Do you even know that I have been waiting for you guys from such a long time?” questioned Rahul and he was made to laugh when Neil broke into a wide grin. “Mr. Genius, don’t you remember that we changed our plans at the last minute and decided not to come for a game today?” was his reply.
“Come on then! Let’s get ourselves an ice cream.” Said Rahul when he came to know that they won’t be able to enjoy by playing cricket and he had to add, “You need not worry, I am going to pay for it, dude!” when Neil brought a highly dramatic surprised smile to his lips. Together they walked down the road and reached the shopping centre. When they stepped in the shop where Rahul thought of buying ice creams, he saw a sight which delighted him. It was Raj…
Before Rahul could say a single word, Neil called out to Raj and said hello and asked him what he was doing there. Raj replied saying that he was there because he had come with his parents to visit some relatives who lived in the colony. Rahul could not just break his eyes away from Raj because he looked damn cute. A black tee and fawn colored trousers made him look so cute that Rahul could walk up to him and hug him then and there.
“Right, Rahul? Rahul?? RAHUL? Are you listening???” he heard Neil say in a tone which grew louder with each word. Blush covered his ears and face as he questioned, “Em, I did not catch ya?” with a confused expression. He knew that his friends would understand that something was going on in his mind and the very thought made him blush. Neil grinned as he said, “I asked whether we have tuition today or not?” and by saying “tuition” he was referring to the Maths tuition which the trio took together. “Yes, we do!” replied Rahul and Raj’s take on this was, “That means I would be able to hang out the whole day with you guys before tuition and then I can leave for home.”
Rahul’s brandy-brown orbs caught a glimpse of the watch which read one PM. And, that meant they had three hours! Three long hours before tuition and now he felt so energized that he decided to offer Raj to stay with him if Neil would not be able to hang out with them. And, what he expected happened. “I am sorry mate, but I won’t be able to hang out with you guys because I have to head off to my Science tuition in an hour”, said Neil and before Raj could say anything in reply, Rahul stepped into the scene by offering Raj to stay with him. “My parents and sis won’t be home today. Would you mind if I ask you to kill the spare time we have by playing games and doing fun stuff at my computer back at my home?” and he was proud of himself. Proud of the courage he could muster. Proud of the words which he chose. And, now his heart touched the zenith because Raj had agreed!!
“So, I consider we are friends?” he asked and I could not help but reply by saying that he did not have to be so formal with me. Gosh! Why do I drop hints to him all the while? Am I some kind of a slut who is not yet discovered to be exploited? I could stop but smile and smile and smile forever and ever! His eyes sparkled like as if the rays from the sun were getting reflected by extremely pure water which has just left its snowy abode. “Umm, Raj?” I asked as we sat on the carpet of my room in front of the x box 360 which I got as a birthday present from my parents last year. “Yes?” he asked.
“May I ask you something?
“Yeah sure” was his answer.
“Is that rumor which is flying around regarding that girl Rita of your class true?” and my question was actually targeted at the sex scandal which she was involved in.
“Well, err...” and my mind could taste the uneasiness in his voice. “It is true indeed. I even saw the picture of the guy who was caught with her after the police arrived. I really don’t understand why people of her kind find so much pleasure in engaging in all this stuff.”
And he was now becoming comfortable with me. Great!
“Well, it seems they don’t understand the value of true love in life”, I said and he nodded to this. He had stopped playing the game by now and sat facing me. We are almost eye to eye as we talked and I could feel that he was someone who understood the value of true love. After all, his beautiful beetle black eyes and extremely soft, neat hair and his lips which looked yummy to me expressed this feeling to me.
“Until and unless you find that special person whom the lord has made for you, one should never ever even think of getting involved in such kind of a relationship with someone else. And, trust me you will yourself know when that special person knocks on the door of your heart and the thing is, you should keep your eyes open and let him, err, umm, I mean let that person in.” and his face flushed furiously.
Did he really act nervous when he used “he” to describe the special person? Or was it my imagination again??
As Raj changed into his nightdress and climbed into his bed to sleep; the bright rays of the full moon which were filtering through the ventilator illuminated his facial features. The smile on his lips was easily visible and it was present only because he has someone in his mind whom he could not let go of. His black eyes sparkled with joy and as he ran his long, artistic fingers through his silky hair his half sleepy state of mind brought the images of the day back to him. The way he stole glances at Rahul when they were having coffee while playing games on the x box; the sweet words which he used while talking to him, and the short trip from his home to the teacher’s home where they had their tuition together, all appeared very cute to Raj. He only felt the need to be a little more courageous while talking because at times he just would be speechless and could not think of what to say! Like, this was this kiss between two boys in an anime serial which he watched with Rahul… He could feel the back of his neck, his ears turning hot and burning so hard like as if someone had pressed a molten and scorching hot wire on them. And, to add to the uneasy nature of things Rahul noticed that!!
“Are you okay?” he asked. His eyes were full of concern and it gave Raj a feeling that if someday anything wrong happened to him then Rahul would do anything to get him out of the danger. That feeling was totally random! And, even Raj could not figure out why felt that way!
He fall asleep and on the next day he had school and so did I. But, even if we did not have tuition on that day, I managed to catch him online and talk to him there. It now appeared funny to me that a few days ago I even was scared to send him a friend request. But, now he seemed so sweet to me. He even agreed to hang out in the mall, watch a movie and take me around the shop and show me some bookstores once our exams ended. They had not even begun yet and plans on what to do after them were already in the air! That’s what teens are like!!
Looking back at my life… It looked like as if for the first time I had found a true friend with whom I could share everything. My dad and mom both had transferable jobs; and so I had been traveling throughout the country during the early years of my life. But, now we had decided to settle in this city and I was very happy with this decision of my parents because who could say no to stay in a city where you had such a great friend who would do anything to spend time with you?
I was never a kid who had a lot of friends at school. But the ones I had were true friends. And in the entire world I never ever felt so close to someone. No one had ever asked me what I liked doing. No one had ever asked me what would I love to do in life (not what would I have to do), no one ever asked me whom did I feel was more close to me in between my mom and dad. And, these small questions made me feel like he was someone special whom I need to take care of and ensure that he won’t go away from me. Ever.
And before I went deeper into these thoughts and fall asleep on my study table, I forced myself to focus on the ratios of trigonometry.
And then we decided that he would be staying over at my home that night because my dad and sis won’t be at home; mom may even need to go on emergencies during night time. Therefore, when I mentioned that I would have to be alone and he offered to stay with me. That was great. We agreed over the deal that he would teach me one of the Chemistry lessons and I would help him in solving some mathematical sums. He was a brilliant kid, and I felt really excited to work with him. Our parents had met before. (GOSH! How come I forgot to mention that before??) And, our parents became GREAT friends. It sounds a bit unrealistic, but yeah… They took to liking each other and spent time shopping and visiting places together. Therefore, there was no problem for me to convince my mom. She was already happy that Raj would be staying with me.
Only if I knew that some unplanned things were bound to happen!
Mom had to leave even before he arrived. I was like all alone and worried about whether he would come or not. He had told me that he would call me up before coming, but he did not call me! And, I stood at the foot of the stairs of the building where I resided looking out for any car heading in my direction. I would have given up all my hopes had I not seen someone dressed in all black walking towards me. Black tee, black jeans and even black sneakers (the sneakers became visible only when he was a few inches away from me). The grin on my face which appeared on seeing him got wiped away when I noticed that he was not his usual cheerful self. Rather, he looked quite weak, sad and tired as if he had been made to do hard physical labour for a whole day. Instead of greeting him with a hello I asked him, “Are you okay? You look very tired!”
He did not respond to my question and looked down towards the ground. “Is everything alright?” I asked again taking the rucksack which he carried with himself away from his hand.
“I am so stupid!” he said and all of a sudden started crying! It broke my heart to see those beautiful eyes shedding rivers of pain. In an almost involuntary action, I wrapped my arm around him and cooed, “Let’s go upstairs… We’ll talk there”.
After a few minutes we were at my room and I made him sit on the bed. I myself took a seat on the carpet facing him. Looking into his eyes, I once again asked him what was wrong. He had not spoken a word ever since I told him that we would talk once we were in my house. But, by the look on his face I knew something was wrong.
“My dog’s gone. She’s no more… I loved her so much!” he said and that made me get up from the place where I was sitting and take a seat just beside him on the bed. He was crying with his face in his hands and I began caressing his back. “It’s not easy at all to lose a pet, Raj. I can understand how you are feeling. But, see the world has to move on and you can’t really keep crying over something which has left you and refuse to see the light of the day. Nothing lasts forever. Not even human beings do. We are composed of five elements and once our time on the earth is over we would decompose back to those five elements. It is the law of nature.” After speaking this much, I stopped dead. “Oops! I overdid it again!” I thought to myself. “Hope you did not mind my lecture” I quickly said before things got out of hand. And then the beady black eyes turned on me. Gosh… I could swear that I could do anything to make him smile. My heart was thumping loudly and I wanted to hug him. Caresses him, love him and make him realize that someone who loves him very dearly is very close to him right at that moment.
“To make things worse, my brother jumped on me. He cursed me saying that I was… I was a” and the deep, painful sobs followed; “And dad took his side. He said that the world would laugh at me and if I don’t change for good then I would be the laughing stock of the society. He feels that I am already such an effeminate jerk, gosh!” I could swear that he was going to lose his composure and was going to faint or something. And, to stop him from doing something for which I would be sorry later, I pulled him into my arms and embraced him. I tried to make as much love and power flow from my body to his as I could. What is the name of this feeling which I am experiencing? I feel like as if I could leave the entire world for him and I could be with him forever. I just wanted to please him, make him happy and I did not care for my own happiness whenever I was with him. I did not want him to be sad and I silently prayed to God asking him to take away my share of happiness and give it to Raj.
Is this love?
My arms tried to do the magic with him; and he had his head hid between my arms. I felt an overwhelming urge to plant a kiss on the back of his neck but, I stopped myself from doing so because doing that could make things worse. And after what seemed like forever, we broke the warm and cozy hug which we two were sharing. He looked into my eyes and asked me something which I still remember… “Is being effeminate a crime?”
My answer to his question was another hug. I just could not think of something which would be able to console him. “Don’t worry about things, Raj. Everything will be fine very soon. After all, they are your family and they can’t be angry on you for a long time. Moreover, I have got a big bowl of chocolate ice cream in the refrigerator which we would have after dinner. Do you remember telling me that chocolate is your favorite flavor of ice cream?” and before I spoke more than what was required; I stopped myself.
Raj once again gave me that look which made me feel like he could take a look at what I was thinking and what I was not telling him. Very surprisingly, he took my hand in his and he said, “Before I trouble you with even more emotional stuff from my side, let us go and get our studies done.” But, I shook my head no. “Dinner comes first. And the rest comes last” made him laugh! Man!! It felt so good when he laughed. He was like a beautiful angel who had no clue of the hostile world in which he lived. And, that was actually one of the reasons which made me feel like I could cuddle with him till the end of my life.
Even though it felt very awkward, we kept holding hands while I put the food in the microwave and pre heated it. After serving the food on the dining table, we took our seats and finally we had to part our hands from each other. His warm hand and fingers made me want more of him and some strange feeling in my mind made me think that even he wanted to keep holding me. Maybe it was the look which he was giving me made me want him so much! But, it would be really wrong if I did something which he did not expect and especially at this point of time when he was going through such an emotional rollercoaster ride.
“Eat before the food gets cold” I said gently as I served him the food which mom had made. Why did I always feel like I had to take care of him, I had to protect him?
And the study session was done. Then we sat listening to a soft instrumental piece of music as Raj told me about his future plans. As we were in class eleventh, next year we were supposed to appear in board examinations for senior secondary school. After twelfth class Raj wanted to study Medical Science. I kept listening to what he was saying and did not say a single word because even though I kept paying attention to every word he spoke I was also thanking God for making him forget all his troubles and becoming cheerful again. Time had flown by and it was already midnight and it was time to sleep. Mom had called me earlier and told me she won’t be home until next midnight because she had to work on a thirty six hour long shift. The work of a doctor sucked when your parents were doctors and you were looking at the profession from the point of view of a child who hardly got time to spend with his parents.
Coming back to Raj again… He said something which made me hit him gently on the back of his head with my hand to which he pouted and made a puppy doggy face. After that we laughed until our stomachs ached and changed into our nightdress. He had asked me “I would sleep here right?” pointing at the sofa of the living room and to that I hit the back of his head and practically dragged him with me back to my room as we laughed really hard.
It did not take much time for us to change into our nightdress and I noticed that he was wearing a white tee made of a soft fabric and a pair of black shorts. I could not stop myself and I kept staring at his legs; checking the trail of his hair which ran down his legs. They looked very soft and gentle. They would not have been visible to anyone if one did not look carefully. I felt like stroking his thighs and legs with my hands and massaging them; but I had to stop dead in my thoughts when he caught me checking his legs out in the mirror and asked me what I was doing with a twisted smirk. My heart could not thump harder as I rushed into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. Gosh, that was so unlikely of Mr. Extroverted Rahul!
Then it so happened that I changed into my night clothes and came out of the bathroom. Raj was lying on bed facing upwards; looking at the ceiling. I said, “Hey!” and then what I saw shocked me greatly. Raj’s face was full of swollen patches and the patches were just like the ones which appear when someone is affected by allergy. “Are you okay?” I asked as I took a seat beside him. “Something went wrong, you know. I am allergic to certain foodstuffs and it was actually my fault that I did not ask you about the food before having it.” Was the reply I got from him. He took his face in his hands and I caressed his back. “Would you mind if I ask you for something to treat these with?” he inquired without even taking the hands off.
“Surely I will get you something to put on” I said. A feeling was rising in my stomach which spoke that I was such an idiot. I never even thought whether Raj would like the food or not, let the fact whether he was allergic to all that and all. I opened one of the cupboards on my dressing table and took out a bottle of a moisturizer which was quite good to treat allergies with.
“Here! Put this one on them. Or may I…?” I asked him as I approached him. He replied to my words with a simple, short nod and I opened the bottle. Squirting some of the slippery liquid onto my fingers, I began massaging the areas of his face which were swollen with my fingers in a circular motion. The clock read one hour ahead of the midnight hour and I was worried very much about Raj. “I am so sorry Raj; I never ever wanted to do anything like this. Forgive me, please?” I ended staring into his eyes. And gosh! He smiled. I could see his eyes light up with a twinkle which made my heart skip a couple of beats. “Don’t you even think that you were responsible for all this, honey. It is not your fault at all. I was the stupid one who was so absorbed in emotions that I did not notice I was eating up mushrooms to which I am horribly allergic. Anyways, don’t worry about it please. Go to sleep!”
He called me ‘honey’. And he made me hug him and snuggle closer to him. The cooperation which I got from him made me feel better. We both rested our chins on each other’s shoulders, and I kept running my fingers through his smooth, silky and soft hair. Combing his hair with my fingers, I exhaled gently and closed my eyes.
“Have I found the person who has been sent to this earth just to complete my life?” I mused to myself.
There I was; on the lap of time
Wishing everything would go fine;
When I am cuddled up with the soul which I can call mine.
They say that if you love something you should set it free
And if it returns to you it was always meant for thee;
But what in the world would I do if it never returns to me?
Here comes the end of another day
The whispers in the air have a lot to say…
But I won’t lend them my ears
Because if they confirm my worst fears…
I will be left behind with broken dreams and tears
(I composed the above lines myself)
And the break of dawn creaked in… I was there lying beside Raj on the bed with my eyes wide open as I remembered the happenings of the past night which had brought such a wave of new emotions in my life, I could not help feeling extremely cheerful. The side of his personality which Raj made clear to me when we were about to sleep had colored up my life with beautiful hues. The colors of happiness which I felt myself filled up with were so like the clean handed personality of my angel (yes, in my life where no one had ever come so close to me I could consider him as an angel because in a very short duration of time he had been able to make me his. Maybe I was almost sure that I have a really strong liking for him and things were not going to end up easily at least.) As I turned on my side, my eyes were filled up with the childlike innocent picture of him and I thought something to myself which made me switch over to the ‘serious’ mode for quite some time. “Am I gay? If I really seem to love Raj then maybe I am. What would my parents think of me? And how would I face the world?” and before I could submerge myself with more questions, Raj moved a little and he turned towards me. A smile crossed my lips. “If I get to love an innocent soul like Raj’s if I am gay; then I am actually happy on being oriented this way.” My smile grew wider as I moved my fingers forward to touch him gently on the side of his face. He still looked sore, but the scars were no longer as obvious as last night. Without even being aware of what I was doing to him, I began caressing his cheek and running my hand in and out of his hair. And then I stopped dead when I realized that what I was doing could even be interpreted as something wrong. He had just hugged me and called me “honey”. But, that was not something which gave me rights over him or something. I was no one when it came to intimate acts like touching each other and expressing love for each other in a direct and public manner. I got up from the sleeping position immediately and then walked straight into the bathroom without giving the thoughts which were swimming in my mind a few seconds ago a second thought. Or maybe, I was trying hard not to remember them and I was not being too successful in this as I still had a dull pain in my chest whenever the fact that I was “no one” for Raj except a friend.
As I walked out of the bathroom after getting the usual morning duties and ablutions done; dressed in a pair of comfy black jeans teamed up with a red tee my eyes told me that he was still asleep and I did not do anything except smiling more to him than to myself. Standing before the mirror I started combing my hair and I looked straight into my eyes. Was it just me or was the love which I was nurturing in my heart ever since I sensed my special emotions for Raj really obvious in my eyes? The fact of someone making out that I was in love made my ears burn hot and turn a shade of angry red.
“Good morning!” said Raj right behind me; making me jump up with shock. I had not even caught the sight of him as he got up and walked up to where I stood. In a total involuntary action my lips bloomed into a beautiful smile and my eyes checked him out in the mirror. “Morning, Raj!” I said after a while and he said, “So you are all ready to go? And I am still sleepy. I really can be so lazy and good for nothing at times” as he stifled a yawn. “Aw! Don’t say that you are not good for anything!! I really like you so much and you mean a lot to me” before I could stop myself I said (or blurted out) a lot more than what the situation could digest. But, the way Raj reacted made me feel very shy and practically run away from the place where he stood. His eyes started twinkling and he smiled very shyly at me. There was this so endearing quality in the air around him that I just could not hold myself behind while I spoke to him.
“I like you too, Rahul. You mean more than a friend to me as well!” I heard him say as I walked out of the room’s door and went directly into the kitchen. Setting my hands on the kitchen’s counter, I tried to make out what Raj may have actually meant. Did he want to express his love for me? Or was it a friendly remark only??
Before my questions got tangled together and made me remain rooted to the spot, I started on preparing the breakfast. I was going to give him a yummy breakfast. A cereal like oatmeal, scrambled eggs, chicken sausages and buttered toasts with coffee, fruits would be on the table for him to eat from. As I was getting the eggs prepared, he walked into the kitchen. Today he was dressed in a pair of black baggy jeans and a white tee which hugged his extremely lean body very tightly. My eyes kept scanning him over and over again as he kept asking me a dozen of questions. He asked me what I was cooking, what were my plans for the rest of the day and other stuff but I was only interested in silently praising him in my mind. His beautiful eyes kept shining with life and looked like fresh drops of dew reflecting sunlight falling on them, the skillfully combed and shampooed hair made him appear even cuter, and the broad face which shined brightly made me admire him even more and more with the passage of time. “Rahul?! Are you listening to me? I have been asking you a lot of questions lately and you did not answer even one of them! I know that I am kind of boring, but I am not so hate-able that one would not even talk to me. Or am I such a jerk? ”
And whatever in the world made me walk up to him is still unknown to me, but I looked straight into his eyes and said, “You know, your beauty enchanted me to keep staring at you. Did anyone tell you that you are not ordinary looking… You have very beautiful, gentle and adorable features. Features which anyone would love to make his own. Features which anyone would love more than his own ones.” I was about to touch him and could feel his warm breath on my lips. He was looking up into my eyes and I was looking back at his. I felt warm and my heart raced wildly along an unknown track. Raj’s flushed face made me come back to reality and realize that once again I spoke everything out which was wandering around in my mind. I immediately turned around and bit my lower lip as hard as possible. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! What have you done??? You really are the most stupid person around on this world.” I felt like crying. Yes! The tough, extroverted, powerful, macho, sports loving, manly guy named Rahul Sharma was now going to cry! Could life provide a better example of such dire turn of events? I did not have the courage to turn around and to face Raj again.
“Thank you Rahul… Thanks for praising me so much. But, you know what? A boy like me who’s stupid, sissy, cowardly, weak and dim witted does not deserve to be praised by someone like you who is literally a jock, a handsome young male who can get anyone to love him. I am not trying to praise you in a false way or something… But what I am saying is the truth.” He said as he laid his hand on my shoulder. His touch sent a strong wave of electrically charged currents throughout my body making me jump a little. I turned around to face him. The pristine, salty drops of liquid which were about to flow down my cheeks carrying the pain which I was feeling away with them got dried up when Raj reacted in a way which was totally unexpected for me. I did not stop my hands from doing the magic this time too…
I allowed my hands to gently explore his soft hair and brush a lock of them away from his eyes. “Do not ever worry about things like that, Raj. You are very sincere at everything you do; so when it comes to what opinion people hold about you, you need to forgive the snooty comments made on your personality. They don’t have any right to hurt such a beautiful creature like you. Trust me, okay?” And I smiled warmly at him. The magic was done, and he was smiling back at me. But, something smelling like smoke brought us back to the reality and our surroundings. One of the napkins which I used to hold hot serving bowls had caught fire and it was burning up. I gently took it away from the source of the flames and poured a little bit of water on it from a nearby jug.
“I can surely become a fire brigade squad member.” I said and he grinned at me. And then after having the breakfast which I cooked for him specially, we got ready to go down the stairs and leave to Raj’s home. I was going to visit his home for the first time and I was kind of excited to know what his house was like. He got on the pillion with me and he kept on saying that he loved my bike over and over again. It was totally “wow”-able for him. Gosh! He was so innocent and cute… His innocent words made me feel like I could do anything to take him in arms and cupping him gently yet firmly so that he would forget all of his tensions fears and would melt down in a pool of happiness. He was still saying something to me as I started the engine of my bike. I could not make out what he said as my mind was already flooded with the roaring sound of my bike’s engine and the thoughts of how I would express my feelings for Raj if I had a chance.
And it did not take us much time to reach his home. I really felt proud to drive with him behind me. I was still a seventeen year old ‘kid’ and driving a motorbike with the person who ruled my dreams made me feel very excited and happy. As we zoomed through the roads of the city towards Raj’s home, I took the road which ran along a beautiful lake because I just wanted the ride to be enjoyable and special. I wanted him to remember the ride which he took with me to his home for the first time. Who knows, it could be the last which were taking together? And, this very thought made my heart fill up with some liquid which gave a burning sensation and made it painful. He shifted himself uncomfortably on the seat when I turned around a little and said, “Hold on to me, Raj. Otherwise something wrong may happen which I would regret forever.” I was being frank because I did not really have time to put the words in a way which would sound soft to him. I had to keep focusing on the road as well. But! My focus kind of vanished when he held me. His arms caressed my waistline as they slithered around and locked in a hug around my waist. I smiled to myself and said, “That’s like a good boy!” without even turning back to him this time. Raj came closer to me and rested his chin on my shoulder for some time as he said, “I am a good boy! And, you know my mind is flying faster than the speed of the bike through the beautiful lake. Anyways, when you reach the end of this road you will need to take a right turn.” And after that he kept guiding me and I followed his instructions until I was asked to stop my bike in front of a large castle like house which looked like it had been standing there for hundreds of years but had not left it beauty behind with its past.
“Now, will you keep sitting there or would you even come inside with me?” he asked me grabbing my left arm. I was so busy in admiring the large mansion where he lived that I did not notice he even got down. He walked up to the gate and held it open for me; and then a man dressed in watchman uniform (black shirt and black pants with a headgear of the same colour). “Baba! Memsahib has been waiting for you to come from a long time. You better hurry up! ” Raj turned towards the watchman and then said, “OK, sure! But, please get my friend’s bike inside?” and suddenly he took hold of my hand. “Come on!” and he began walking at a gentle pace with me by his side. “You really live in a wonderful house, Raj. I am in love with your house!” I could not help but say this to him. “Shut up!” he said with a grin as we approached the stairs of the verandah which was done in white marble. The house’s grand verandah had a lot of pillars on both sides and the roof was at a very high level. The pillars were all painted with expensive cream coloured paint and the roof was made of wood painted silver. The house casted its beautiful shadow on me and my eyes were filled with admiration as I scanned the furniture of the verandah which was kept in a separate corner. We entered the living room of the house and it was actually bigger than what I had expected its size to be. “Hey grandma!” said Raj making me come out of my trance like state of admiration. I smiled at the old lady dressed in beautiful white sari and said, “Namaste” as my hands got joined together in order to greet her. She smiled at me and replied with the same gesture. And then she turned to Raj, “When you said that calling your dadi “grandma” or “grams” is in fashion then I never thought you would actually apply that on me!” Raj grinned back at her; making me admire him with eyes full of admiration again. This time it was for him!!
“Namaste, Aunty!” I greeted his mother as she came to the living room through the door which probably led to the other rooms of the house. Raj’s mom was a very sweet woman and she treated me like her own son. I wish that she even did that if she knew that I had stronger feelings than a simple friendship for her son. “Namaste, beta” she greeted me back and said, “I have been waiting for you two to arrive from a long time. Anyways, have a seat and relax. I will get you something to drink.” “Mom, I am taking him to my room” said Raj before practically grabbing me by my arm and taking me towards a door to the left side of the living room. “See ya, grams!” He announced with a giggle before taking me to another part of the house. “This part of the house was constructed much after the main building of the house. Come!” and he led me towards a staircase. As we climbed the stairs, he kept on pointing to photographs along the way and introducing me to his relatives. He even showed me a picture of him with his brother. His brother had the same eyes as him but he actually had much different facial features than Raj. Raj; as usual was looking very cute in that image too. Finally we walked through another corridor and he gently opened the door to the last room of the corridor to the left. What met my eyes was extremely beautiful and ritzy in fact. He had a beautiful wooden closet, an antique queen sized bed (it was antique and I could bet on that because of the beautiful wooden carvings on the head rest), the whole room was painted pale golden and had dark maroon shades on some of the walls which did not have furniture or cupboard in front of them. The walls were covered with paintings (which were probably done by him), his pictures and certificates. He had a guitar in the far corner of the room and his PC. A rack of books, curtains done in expensive brocade and a poster of the golden trio from Harry Potter were the first things to catch my attention. “Come in!” he said and again pulled me gently with himself and I stepped into the room with him. He offered me a seat on the comfy looking sofa which faced a television. “Man! You’re rich!” I said cheerfully looking around the room. “Not at all when I am pitted against you” he said in a dreamy voice looking straight into my eyes… “Oh come on!” I said and he suddenly asked me something which made me get a BIG surprise. “Rahul? Are you single? Have you had any relationships in the past??” and I could not make out why he asked that and what should I say in reply to that. I chose to speak the truth and I knew that if I lied he would surely come to know of that. “Not actually. I am single and I have had only one relationship in the past. If you call a stupid game in which you feel nothing for the girl who is after you just because of your wit and looks a relationship that is.” And his smile was worth a hundred dollars. “I knew it that my Rahul... I mean my friend Rahul is not of that kind” and before we could even exchange a look because he called me “his”; the door to his room burst open and his mom came in holding a tray full of stuff. She set in on the table in front of us and asked me to start on it. She had brought us some soft drink, snacks and pastries. I thanked her and she said that I should not thank people for small things like this and left. “Come on, start! I will be back…” said Raj before getting up and walking to a door which led to the bathroom attached to his room and disappearing behind the door. As I heard the faint click of a lock in the distance; I felt I knew the reason behind him leaving like this. “I am HIS!” I thought to myself and the very thought filled every nerve of my body with a new energy. “Ho gayee hai mohabbat tumse
Aaein palkon mein khaab banke
Reh gaye sar-aankhon par
Bade hain ahsaan humpe
Dil ne kiya jab asar
Oh, Mil gayee hai amanat tumse
Ho gayee hai mohabbat tumse
Rakhdein sara jahan ki khushiyan
Tumhare kudmon par
Dekhe na mudkar duniya
Awaz de do agar
Oh, Le rahe hai ijazat tumse
Ho gayee hai mohabbat tumse
Haule dil apna suna ke
Dekhe hua kya asar
Naraz humse na hona
Bahon mein le le agar
Oh, itnisi hai inayat tumse
Ho gayee hai mohabbat tumse.”
He sang while play the song on the guitar and I was like a small five year old child who was seeing a lion in a zoo for the first time. I was clapping along with the beat of the song and was cheering him. And when he completed, I applauded for him. He was like very happy as he had sung the song for me. I was getting a small feeling like he had sung it for me specially and he was actually feeling all the lyrics of the song as he sang. I did not want to leave for my home that day… Oops; I should call it “night” because I had spent the whole day with him… Watching television, taking a trip around his grand house, listening to songs and him on the guitar was real fun. And, I did not want to go back alone. I wanted him to come and maybe he sensed that because he came up right to the end of the road which led to his house even if it was raining very hard. He was concerned about me, “Rahul… I won’t let you drive in this weather. It is really dangerous” I did not know how to make him silent and calm. I wanted to kiss him; but as I could not do that I just gave his hand a squeeze and looked into his eyes which were so enchanting and captivating like ever; deeper than anything else… Darker than the night around us! “Please? Listen to me… You can let your bike stay here and I will ask the driver to get the car out so that I can drop you home. You have done such a lot for me and now if you get wet in the rain and catch a cold or something then…” I stopped him in midsentence by squeezing his arm harder. “Don’t worry! I will be fine. I have done this before as well and even if I fall ill I have a lot of people who can take care of me. Goodnight!” and with a wink I started the engine and was gone with full speed away from my special guy in physical sense… But, right from the first day I saw him I left my heart with him. Firstly only a part of it was gone; but owing to the recent developments I had gifted it to him fully. I reached home and was alone as my mom would not return until midnight and my dad, sister were out of station. The buzz of my cell phone vibrating in my jeans’ pocket brought me out of the thoughts which were running around in a circle inside my mind.
The same familiar, sweet, soothing and cute voice was flowing towards me from the other end.
“Where are you?”
“I am at home.”
“Thank god, I was just so worried about you!”
“Oh come on, Raj… I am not a kid or something and you don’t need to worry about me because I can take care of myself. Friends are supposed to make you feel better and not to make you feel worried.”
And the call ended without him saying a word…I was kind of stupefied. I kept on calling him back but he won’t pick up his phone. And then mom came back home, I ate dinner and went to sleep. It had been a long day and I kept playing the records of my day with Raj over and over again in my head. But, when the last incident came to my mind I felt weak and filled up with a lot of tensions and worries I could not make out when I fall asleep.
It had been a week since we talked. I heard that they were having examinations and so the students of his school were not attending the tuitions of Mathematics. And, I was kept busy by this new girl in our school whose dad got transferred to our city right at the time of session ending examination. As she studied in a school which was run by the same institution she did not have much trouble in collecting notes and stuff, but I had to help her to get adjusted with everyone else and the tuition classes etc. In all this pandemonium, I did not call Raj and that turned out as one of the biggest mistakes I ever made in my life. It was yet another day of my life and I was returning from school and all the way from school only one thing had been running around in my mind and it was Raj. I just wanted to know how he was and why he disconnected the call abruptly that day without saying goodbye and whydid he never pick up his phone whenever I called him since then. The only thing which I looked forward to was the tuition class which I had today and as the tests of my special guy’s school were over I did not have to worry about him not coming for tuitions. After reaching home I took a bath, ate my lunch and dressed myself in one of my best pair of clothes. I chose to wear a black tee and black jeans with one of the best neckpiece accessories which I owned. Walking down the stairs of the apartment, and making my way towards the tuition centre I was only thinking about Raj. His smile was like the blossoming of a beautiful flower… His eyes sparkled like fresh drops of dew. His hair was so silky that the air was able to move it without any difficulty. And, before I knew it I was at the door of the teacher’s house where I learned and practiced the art of mathematics. I pushed the door open and stepped inside the room and after greeting the teacher by saying, “good afternoon, sir” I took a seat. I was the first person to enter the room that day and I was kind of sad that Raj was not here yet. Taking my bag off from my shoulders I set it on the table and unzipped it in an absent minded manner. Right then I heard footsteps approaching the room and my eyes filled up with excitement as my mind cooked up the possibility of Raj being the person who would enter the door. But, it was not Raj and it was that same girl instead whom I had been helping to catch up with the notes given in our classes and to socialize with the people around her. I was actually made to help her by my parents who were good friends with her parents. It’s strange when your parents make you do something which you would not like to do yourself. I would have never helped someone who was not interested in studying and was rather up to something else. Yes! You guessed right. The new girl whose name was Shruti entered the room and waved a “hi” to me. I did not reply in any way except smiling at her. She was not someone who was interested in studies or stuff related to studies rather, she was more interested in going around the city and visiting the various malls, shops and cinema halls with me. What pissed me off greatly was the fact that my mom and dad took her side whenever she wanted me to accompany her somewhere as they felt that she was still new in the city. But, I felt that it was time for her to stop clutching my hand and to explore the world out there on her own as people around were misunderstanding us. Many students of our school felt I was dating her. There was this stupid habit of my friends which made them feel that whenever a girl and a boy spend a lot of time together then they are bound to have feelings which extend to newer boundaries ahead of friendship in their hearts.
As for now, I just wanted Raj to be by my side. Students kept filtering into the room one by one. Some of the guys from Raj’s school used to take Science tuition together and they always came for Mathematics together. But, Raj was nowhere to be seen. Neil came and sat on the other side of me and I sat between Neil and Shruti. I asked Neil where was Raj to which his reply was, “I have no idea at all about where is he… He did not even appear in any of the tests. Maybe, he is unwell…” and I could not wait for the tuitions to complete after hearing this as I knew one thing for sure which was that I would head off straight away to Raj’s home as soon as the tuitions got over. I had to know what was wrong with him because he meant a lot to me by now. The words “titan” kept on forming over and over again in my mind’s eye as I kept gazing at my watch over and over again; waiting for the hour to pass and the tuition to be over as I had to inquire what was wrong with Raj. And finally the teacher called the day’s class over and we, the students started flooding out of the room. I had to go to my house first so that I could get my bike out of the garage and rush off to Raj’s place. But, fate had something else in store for me because instead of me going to my destination, my dream boy came walking towards where I stood.
“Raj!” the name escaped from my lips without my conscious knowledge and I wanted to move forwards and hug him tightly. But, alas… My desire was not fulfilled as someone grabbed my arm from behind and touched my shoulder. It was Shruti and she was saying, “Hey Rahul… Why don’t you come for a movie with me tonight?
There’s a variety of romantic movies going on currently and I want someone to accompany me… And yeah! Guess what? Your resume completely fits the job!” She actually said this aloud and that too with her chin resting on my shoulder. I just was caught off guard by her shamelessness at times and I was made to wonder how could someone… that too a girl to be so ill mannered and shameless? And then I would remember that Shruti belongs to that group of girls who could do anything to have a moment of pleasure by tying herself up in a false Kamasutra for a moment of pleasure.
And now, I could see the feeling of disgust being highlighted by Raj’s gentle facial features as he stormed past me. Why were things against me and him??
I did not want Raj to get upset by what the slut of a girl Shruti had done in front of him. Thus, I went after him and asked him to slow down as I wanted to talk to him. But, he did not seem to be in a mood to listen to me.
This guy named Raj walked pretty fast… And, I came to know about this when he kept inching away from me with the passage of time. “Raj… Please listen to me. You can’t go away without giving me a chance to speak!” I said; and I could not help the note of anger, restlessness in my voice. The anger was not really meant for Raj, but still I being a short tempered person could not control my anger after the small episode which took place a few moments ago.
All of a sudden he turned around to face me; and I felt that what I wanted to happen had happened at last! I felt that Raj had understood what I had in my mind. But, the reality was not at all similar to what I was feeling. Raj words still ring in my ears because what he said was indeed very hurtful. His exact words were, “What should I wait for, Rahul? Neither do I need to listen to any explanation that you want to give nor do you need to explain anything to me because you are free to do anything you wish. I am nobody in your life and I can’t make you restrain yourself from acting according to your own will.”
After saying that, he turned and walked away from me. But, this time I did not feel like going after him and asking him to listen to me, because I felt very hurt by what he said. Standing there under the clear sky of a winter month I felt sad, distressed, hurt and angry… How could he act in such a way? Raj was not someone who would hurt others, and the guy who said such rude words which made me take a hard blow on the face was someone else… He couldn’t be the Raj whom I met and whom I started loving… err, liking… I suppose?
I went straight to my home and locked myself in the privacy of my room.
FAIR AND UNFAIR DECISIONS:
It was the start of another week and I woke up early in the morning so that I could have some time to myself before I had to get ready to go to school. On my dad’s recommendation, I had started to go for jogging nowadays early in the morning on top of my evening lawn tennis classes which I attended twice a week. I took my iPOD with myself while leaving my room and going out for my habitual jogging. This time round, the only thing which was on my mind was the way people can change. Raj… He had changed all of a sudden, and I kept on repeating the episode which made me form a new opinion about him again and again in my mind. He could be rude as well. He could hurt other and he could even get angry at times. Earlier I supposed he’s a doll. A porcelain doll without any flaws but, our last meeting made me reconsider my views about him. Then, I returned back to home after quite some time and then took a shower, had breakfast and went off to school.
School was as usual. There were several of activities like classes, assembly program, sports and music. After the day at school was over, I was just looking forward to tuitions and the time when I’d meet Raj again because I had made up my mind to hit back at him at the slightest chance. Indeed, that was one of the most childish decisions I had ever made!
When I was done having lunch and doing my regular “after school and before tuition” duties, I left for Mathematics tuition which was due to begin in about half an hour. And, at the very unlikely hour the heavens had opened up and the tears of the Almighty were slashing against the windows and roofs of my house, any other object which came in its way along with quenching the thirst of the dry mother Earth. I just hated the rains. Until an hour ago, the skies showed no sign of clouds or rain and now, out of the blue the drops began pelting at us. Ridiculous! I hated them whenever they came at wrong times, like today… I was hurrying for my tuitions. Today’s rains would definitely ensure that I’d reach late for tuitions.
People who loved rains were just plain stupid for me.
I could not see any point why anyone would love such a season in which the surrounding’s of one’s house and other areas become muddy or get submerged with dirty sewage water. Rains meant no outdoors. They also translated to the absence of outdoor sports from my daily routine, and this is why I hated the rains.
As for now, I took an umbrella and began walking briskly towards my destination. The rains could not harm me until and unless I removed the protective cover of the umbrella. And, I did not feel like getting wet, and I was sure that I would never even feel so.
On reaching where I wanted to go, I gently pushed the door open to lead myself into the room where my final destination stood. None of my batch mates had come over and the silence made me feel comfortable.
Running my fingers through my wet hair I looked around the room (if you’re wondering how come my hair got wet then I must tell you that I took the umbrella off my head on entering the house and a few drops of water falling directly from the roof fall on my hair). The teacher was nowhere to be seen as well! But, a crunch of the doormat under somebody’s shoes made my head turn towards the door.
Blood rushed faster through my blood vessels, as the loud thumping of my heart was quite audible to me. There in the doorway stood the figure of Raj. I dunno why, but I felt uneasy in his presence and felt like I should move away so that we won’t be in the same room. Maybe, this was a result of the small kind of tiff which we had the last time we met. Even though I did not say much in reply, I felt that it was rude of him to talk to me like that and I should not pay much heed to him.
“Let him be the way he is; don’t care to look towards him. Don’t!
Who was I trying to fool? Myself?? Could I really make myself stop looking at him? NO! Alright, I agree that he had been rude to me, and I was not on good terms with him anymore (that’s what I felt!) but still, that doesn’t stop me from having a look at him, right?
By now, Raj had walked right up to the place where I was and he sat down just next to my chair. And, then… something which was totally unexpected happened. He actually held the one of the sidebars of the chair where I sat; and said hello to me.
To put it exactly in the words which were used by him, “Hello Rahul! How are you doing? I’m sorry I couldn’t call you after the last time we met.” And he ended it with a smile.
“Call me? Is it just so plain and simple for you, Raj?? Don’t act as if you don’t remember what happened during our last meeting. And” I said and then paused in mid sentence for a while because his smiling face had now turned into one which had no colour of liveliness. I curse myself and I hate myself for being so hard on him.
“And, in case you have really forgotten what happened… I must actually remind you that you were being RUDE. Yes, you heard it correctly. YOU WERE BEING RUDE!” And, I ended up spatting at him. It wasn’t morally correct for me to do so, and I realized that later.
He was about to say something, but I couldn’t catch anything he said or was trying to say. Nor, could I see his expressions clearly as the teacher and a group of five students arrived right at that moment.
I returned to my book and Raj… Raj sat with a sad expression on his face.
The tuition class that day continued longer than usual. Maybe, it was my state of mind which made the class give me a feeling like it was never going to end. And once it was over, I guess I was the first person to rise up from my seat and go outside. I was being followed by someone, and I actually knew who was following me.
“I am sorry, Rahul. I didn’t know that you would feel so bad about my childish behaviour. I thought you are someone who understands me very well and won’t ever take my immature actions too seriously.” said Raj’s voice from behind.
“Don’t give me that crap, Raj!” was my last statement before I left.
Raj kept following me closely behind. And, I was actually fed up of having someone whom I didn’t want to talk to following me. We were now on the main road, and I heard him calling my name several times to which I didn’t pay any kind of attention.
But, what caught my attention was what someone from a group of boys standing on the roadside said. “There goes Miss India behind his/her to-be boyfriend. Aw, that’s cute…” and a roar of sickening laughter followed.
“Don’t you people dare call me names, you bloody goons.” Was what Raj said in answer to their words, which were actually directed at him.
I tried hard to ignore what was going on, and forced myself to go on. But, I just couldn’t move. I remained rooted to the spot, hanging on and listening to what was happening.
There was a murmur of slang words in the local language, and a series of noises. Then, what I did not want to happen happened. Someone punched Raj.
Now, all the anger and the supposed hatred towards Raj had dissolved and a strong positive emotion of regard and affection for him sunk into my heart. There were five of them, and I had two hands in addition to two legs which I had to use to the fullest.
Seven years of training in the traditional Japanese system of unarmed combat; in which sharp blows and kicks are given to pressure-sensitive points on the body of the opponent (commonly referred to as karate) made me able to protect myself and my Raj.
The first kick landed on back of the guy whom I supposed to be the leader of the rowdy gang. He was caught totally off guard, which is why he lost his balance and fall down. Then, I took to the moron who was holding on to Raj’s right arm. Another kick on his groin area made him writhe in pain. The other guy who was holding Raj’s other arm was a coward who was too scared of everything and ran away.
Before they could wake up, I grabbed Raj and pulled him along with myself only to experience a sudden jerk which was made by an attempted blow of the ‘king of the goons’. I was quick to block it and return it with a punch which was aimed at his nose. The punch met his face, and actually made his nose cry out blood.
Raj shrieked when he saw this. But, I managed in time to pull him with a stronger move and take him with myself. We actually ran. Ran until we were away from the spot and were in the other part of the colony. It was where I stayed, that is the place where I had my beloved home.
I did not listen to anything which Raj was saying as I was very concerned about his safety. I took him along with myself to my home, and after opening the main door with the help of spare keys which I carried with myself, I made him sit down on the living room couch. Then, I locked the door and returned back to him only to find him sobbing extremely, sharply.
I was taken aback when I saw his tears. My legs took me close to him and also made me take a seat beside him on the couch. “What’s wrong?” I asked with a genuine note of concern in my voice. “You are safe, Raj. Don’t worry about anything. I’m with you.” I ended as I saw the side of his face which had now begun to swell as a result of the biff which it had received. The very sight made me fill up with rage, a rage which was turning more and more murderous with every passing second. I wanted to bring that guy who had hit Raj down on his knees to beg for his life for he had hit someone who is extremely innocent.
I got up from the couch to get an icepack which would help reduce the swelling. But, he held my hand from behind and gently pulled me towards him as he himself stood up. We were close to each other, so very close that I could figure out the smell of the perfume he had used that day. Of course, after the highly dramatic event on the roadside which took place just a few minutes ago he was sweating profusely (and so was I!) that too during a winter month, and all the sweat got mixed with his perfume’s fragrance and made an intoxicating aroma expressing sexual intentions.
His hands held my arms and pulled me closer to him. As I was taller by him by an inch or two, he had to look up slightly in order to come in line with my eyes. The tears had wet his face, but his eyes did not hold any more of them. Instead, they were filled with some emotion which I had guessed to be the feeling of content.
“I can never figure out why I always hurt the ones whom I tend to love!” was what he said, with his eyes fixed on mine.
My heart started thumping loudly, loud enough for Raj to hear… And, it was doing so because it felt that Raj had just addressed me as one of his “loved ones”.
“I got very nervous that day when I saw you with her. I felt that you and her had got committed to each other in my absence, and the very thought made me feel that I was about to lose you. It’s strange, right? But, whenever I feel upset over something and someone comes to my help at that time I am bound to bite back at him for sure. That’s what I did with you, and I am sorry for doing so.”
He paused for a moment as he looked into my eyes and then he took his eyes off mine, “I really am sorry, Rahul.”
He took off his hands as soon as he completed the sentence. He withdrew them instantly, like as if he was made to do so by some kind of any invisible force or a jolt of electric current. Nervous eyes looked into mine and he took a few steps backward. Was he that scared from me? Was I some kind of a monster??
“You don’t need to be sorry, Raj. I am not mad at you anymore. I agree that earlier today when we met, and when you were following me I was angry over the last meeting but… now, I am no longer angry at you. I can never be…” I said with a smile.
And, all I got in reply was the same frightened look.
“You look uncomfortable, Raj. Is anything wrong?” I said taking a few steps forward. Feelings of lust blurred my mind and I wanted him to be in my arms. Strange, I had never felt this before for anyone… But, when you have someone who is extremely handsome yet vulnerable looking in front of you your libido DOES grow in size until it reaches the zenith and you can’t see anything except lust. The images of Raj which appeared in my wet dreams flashed through my mind’s eye. In no time, I stood face to face with him and our bodies were on the verge of touching each other.
He suddenly made a move and tried to step backwards, only to be obstructed mid action by a small pouffe. He had almost lost his balance and fallen down, when I reached him in time and grabbed him in my arms. His arms wrapped around my body as a form of reflex action until I brought him back to his standing posture.
I brushed his hair away from his eyes, and said,
“Will never let you fall down. Am always there to lift you up, you can count on me.”
“But, what if you turn aggressive?” said his sweet voice accompanied by a nervous laugh.
“I never will.” I said with a wink.
“What if I get my nose broken by you the way you broke his nose?”
And my mind spun back its way to reality!
Raj was actually caught up in the past few moments. That was something which alarmed me; I never wanted to give him a bad vibe. He now felt that I was capable of hurting him!
“You need to know that I can never hurt you. I can rather pop up everywhere and anywhere to support you.” I said getting closer to him.
Outside through the window I could catch a glimpse of the lightning which was accompanied by thunder. Rain began pouring with even more force, and battered against the windows. The sound of the rain outside, and Raj’s warm breath on my face made it difficult for me to get a hold on myself. I kept inching closer and closer to him. I actually forced him to sit on the nearby couch and held the back of his head with my palms.
As I stroked his hair gently, then I realized that I had to get him to change his clothes and do something about the swollen part of his face.
Raising the icepack gently, I cooed lovingly like as if I was talking with a small kid and asking him to calm down. I pressed the icepack against his face, looking straight into his eyes. My heart beats had sent across the message to him. They had made him understand that I LOVED him and I was sure of that!
And, the next thing I knew was that I found myself standing in front of the kitchen counter and brewing a fresh pot of coffee. The aroma of the coffee along with its warm vapours which were rising up in the air was filling the room and me with a new kind of energy.
A small plate had two black forest pastries on it, and another bowl close to it had some homemade chocolate chip cookies in them.
Raj was in my room. And, I had made him agree to the idea of taking off his wet clothes and getting dressed in mine. I had given him my spiffiest pair of jeans and my most favourite tee to wear. Well, I love him you know!
As I pondered over my feelings towards Raj, I did not notice that the door to my room had opened and there stood a SEXY guy who was in his mid teens, dressed in a black tee and dark blue jeans. But, once he came forward and stood in front of me, I was pulled out from my train of thoughts.
I scanned him. His face, his body and the way sexy he looked with the colour black.
The tee which I had chosen for him to wear was one with a large neck, and it actually provided me with a view of his chest. YUM YUM! REALLY YUMMMM! I could see the hair on his chest, and the white, flawless skin of the parts of his body which usually remained shielded from eyes (the upper portion of his chest in this case…)
And, my eyes finally went up to his face and were caught, fixed, hooked upon his eyes. We felt connected, and yes you got it right… I actually had a feeling that even Raj was feeling the same way as I did. Lost in his eyes, in the way a traveler gets lost inside a dark tunnel, I stood with my member growing in length, size. I wanted to hug him and soft stroke his hair. I wanted to tell him that I loved him.
But, did I have the guts to do so???
Before I myself knew what I was doing, I found myself stepping closer and closer to Raj. My fingers were fondling Raj’s cheeks, and then they made their way to his hairs. His soft hair was making me go wild with passion. I leaned forward, and pressed my lips on the injured side of his face. My eyes closed, I took a deep breath and then, I finally did it.
I kissed him gently on his cheek.
Raj’s body shuddered.
Maybe, I wasn’t legally an adult yet… But, I was mature when it came to Raj and the relationship between me and him. I wanted to protect him from everything which held an evil thought in its bosom. I wanted to embrace him, so that I could provide him all the necessary love and care or maybe, if given a chance I would have given him even more than what’s necessary.
I loved him.
And I HATED it when I scared him and made him uncomfortable like I did just now!
“Raj, you don’t need to be afraid of me!” I said and began stroking his hair.
“I am not well, Rahul. I want to go home.” He replied.
“What’s wrong?? Are you having some kinda pain or anything like that?” I asked, with my voice full of care and anxiety as well.
“I just can’t remain standing. Dunno… I’m getting this headache and nauseous feeling” said Raj.
I was horrified to see how his face was drained of all colour and life, energy which it held a few moments ago.
Was this drear outcome something which happened because I kissed him…?
I loved Raj, and even when I thought about Raj hating the fact that I kissed him and him deciding not to meet me again made me feel sick. But, I got a grip on myself. However weak the thoughts which crossed my mind made me; I had to deal with the problem which was troubling my love.
I had made a promise to myself that I will stay true to my love, and no matter what happens I will always protect him. And, now it was time that my dedication towards the promise I made to myself would be tested.
Raj was a creature who was full of warmth and life. And, I never liked to see him go lax.
The only wish which I had in my mind was that may the almighty grant me such a power that I could transfer all my energy to him so that he could be back to his “all happy go lucky” mode.
And, hoping that he won’t react negatively to me touching him, I lifted him up in my arms like a groom would lift up his bride.
“Don’t worry, Raj. You’ll be fine.” I said, sounding totally calm.
But the turbulence inside my mind regarding his well being was ENOUGH to kill me!!
I laid him down on the bed, and felt his forehead with my fingertips. It was quite hot, but not BURNING hot. I wanted to kiss him again, so that he could let go of all the pain which was troubling him. But, I wasn’t sure whether to do that or not because the last time I did that, he didn’t seem to enjoy it too much.
“Raj, you need to relax and close your eyes. I will call my mom and ask her to come here right away.”
I got up, and moved towards the phone.
I dialed mom’s personal cell phone number, but it was switched off. And, then I tried her office number. The phone rang, and after a few seconds it was attended by a female voice whom I guessed to be the receptionist of the hospital. I asked her to put me through, and to ask mom to attend to me. But, she told me that mom was engaged in an important operation and she couldn’t talk to me at least for two hours.
I slammed the receiver down, and rushed back to my room. But, what shocked me was that Raj wasn’t on the bed.
Surprised by his absence, I looked around the room and found the door to the bathroom ajar.
Approaching the bathroom, I pushed the door open in a gentle manner and entered.
Raj was there, hunched over the washbasin. And, he was vomiting. The contents of his stomach were blurting out of his mouth, and his eyes were watering. He was sweating profusely!
And, I was damnnnn scared!
Wasting no more time, I moved forward to him and began caressing his back. Saying a few words of consolation, I gently held Raj in my right arm and then opened the tap with my other hands.
The water washed away the undigested food and other stuff. But, it couldn’t make Raj go calm. He was still shaking in my arms. And, I hugged him hard. The vibes that he gave me said only a single thing and that was “I NEED YOU”.
Before he could say anything, I wrapped my right arm around his back and took him back to the bedroom. After making him lay down on my bed again, I took out my cell phone and dialed my dad’s number this time. Dad picked up his phone after a few rings, and I told him everything about how Raj was in our home, and how he felt weak and then the vomiting etc.
Dad asked me to prepare some electral and make him drink it. I did that, and as per my dad’s instructions I waited for him to come back home with Raj sleeping beside me.
It had been an hour since dad promised me he would leave his clinic and come home right away, and I had given up on hope that he’d come. I rather kept sitting beside Raj, and tried to make him feel comfortable by giving his shoulders a gentle massage.
His body twitched and then he turned towards me. A pleasant surprise passed through me when I saw that he was wide awake and was even smiling at me!
“Hey! How are you feeling now?”
“Much better than before… Thanks!”
“Thanks?” I knew my voice sounded puzzled! “But, why?”
“Because, you have helped me to get rid of the sick feeling.”
“Nah… I didn’t do anything”
“You did make me feel good.”
And he placed his hand on mine.
Mhmm… Things started getting warmer, cozier and naughtier after that!!
His eyes expressed a desire for my touch. Or, it was so I thought. But, the next moment he sat up on the bed and snuggled himself towards me. We were both facing each other, and I could clearly see his eyes in the dim light rays of the sun which filtered in through the translucent blinds of my room.
His right hand went up to touch the right side of my neck, which he caressed very lovingly. And then, his other hand made its way up to my hair… And, it was the very first time that he was playing with my locks!! A smile crossed his lips, and he asked “Which shampoo do you use, hmm? Your hair is indeed something which my hands won’t like to let go of!”
“And, what else would your hands never let go of, Raj?” I questioned.
“Our friendship… Or, I should rather say our developing relationship. I will never let go of it. I will hold it gently, yet firmly in my hand like I would hold any newborn infant whom I need to protect, nourish. We need to give each other time, and know each other better… Right?”
“Um, you are making me go nervous…” I said looking at him.
“Nervous about what?” and he took me in for a close, warm, cozy embrace!
I hesitated at first, but then I too wrapped my arms around him. After all, he deserved all the love and care that I could shower at him.
He rubbed his nose on my neck and said, “You are a very caring person from the diary of my life. Of course, you are not just a person… You have a special status for me.”
And I gently kissed him on his forehead. The guy in my arms was someone who was very innocent, and I couldn’t let him go away without expressing my love for him. I just couldn’t!
“Are you feeling better now?” I asked and massaged his temples with my thumbs in gentle, circular motions.
“What went wrong?”
“Well, all the care and love you show for me… It just seems like as if I am dreaming about a person who would love me truly. Undoubtedly, I have many people in my life who love me. But, I am talking about a partner, a guide, someone who would walk along the roads of life with me.”
“You’re a very philosophical, Raj”
“That’s something I can’t deny!” he said with a grin
“And, I love that”
“But my dad hates me for the way I am. He has a little doubt on me that I am sexually attracted to guys, and that I will get nowhere in my life with this feminine attitude of mine”
“Now, please don’t tell me that you hate me for that reason too!” His eyes looked horrified. His eyes casted the expression like as if he was doomed.
“No! Not at all, sweetheart. Let me tell you that even I am attracted sexually to guys. And, that is not an abnormal thing at all. You don’t need to worry about being gay. And, regarding the fear you have lurking in your mind thinking whether I will start hating you is of no use.”
“Then, you need to make me feel that” And he winked!
I was perplexed! This guy looked scared until some minutes ago, and now he was full of life!!
“I love to see you full of life!”
And, then… I lurched forward towards him, grabbed the back of his head with both of my hands. He seemed scared, as he closed his eyes. But, I didn’t stop midway and rather went on to kiss his eyes one by one.. The right one first, and then the left one! Then, I came down directly to his lips and locked my lips with his. Our lips became one, and I felt him melting under the warmth I was transferring to him. He hesitated a little, and then he too came closer to me and hugged me tightly!
The kiss continued. I parted his lips with my tongue and entered his buccal cavity. I tried wrapping my tongue around his with all the effort I could make and, I sucked hungrily. It was like as if I was sucking him into my body, and was inviting him to be one with me.
Yes! Unite with me, and love me… Mhmm!!
“John Keats was a British romantic poet who; despite being a surgeon, devoted himself completely to poetry,” said Raj.
“But”, I began… “Why are you telling me that?”
“Understand the symbolic meaning used” came his reply with a wink!
Laughing softly, I pondered over my feelings and realized how happy he could make me feel with the help of the warmth that he radiated whenever he spoke to me. His room wore a different look today. Most of the furniture (and other furnishings too) were changed from the last time I visited. There was a wooden stand on which a canvas was skillfully attached. A few lines, sketches of an unfinished painting signaled towards the formation of a true masterpiece.
This provoked a thought in my mind. I wondered that had I been the artist and he been the object or my art… I would have loved to draw his eyes in an attempt to bring them to life on canvas. I loved the way they changed their appearance in the form of colours as per his mood. And, what he felt in the core of his heart also made themselves visible through his eyes. His eyes were like a mirror which reflected his inner self…
During the past few weeks we came a lot closer to each other than all the days I had known him put together. I had been regularly dropping him home on my bike, as I felt good when he I did that!! And, by doing that I gained the status of his home’s regular visitor.
[Guys, thanks for being patient… This is all I have been able to put together during the past week. I promise that I will be updating once a week from now onwards, if work stuff doesn’t swamp me like it did in the past few days.
[Sorry guys! Please forgive me for not updating the story for ages!!]
A new morning dawned on the chapter of my life. The curtain which closed my world of dreams away from the face of reality, and provided privacy for my memories to grow was pulled away by a wave emanating from my surroundings.
“In the Operation Theatre now” was the sentence my ears were able to take notice of.
“Raj!” I gasped and stood up from the chair. “How is Raj?” echoed my thoughts, as my legs took me towards the operation theatre where my Raj was being operated upon. My mind, heart and life seemed hollow. It was like as if some kind of a force sucked out all the light and happiness away from it.
It was by reflex action that I came and stood by Raj’s father, who was present at the spot as well. The twinkle in his eyes, his smile and his body language made me feel anxious to know the latest happenings.
“Raj is recovering now!” he said. He hugged me! Yes, he did!! When we broke the hug and he looked into my eyes, I saw that the man’s eyes had the glow of a soldier who emerged victorious in a war, one who had conquered everything; whom nothing was capable of bringing to a halt.
And, why won’t he have looked so? After all, he was the father whose baby was now coming back to a better state of health. His feelings were justified, totally justified. “Had I not always told Raj that his father did love him?” I mused to myself, and when the thought that Raj was recovering occurred to me my heart somersaulted!! Raj was fine, and I nothing else in the entire world could make me happier. I had badly wanted to go and meet him but, my mom did not allow me to do so! She was not being her usual self, rather she was truly professional when it came to managing the crowd (Raj’s father who was flanked by his uncle, brother and his mother) which had gathered outside the O.T.
What I needed was his well being, and that was almost ensured!